About Me

My name is Jen Hathorn. I'm a family medicine physician. Since January 2015 I have been living in Egbe Nigeria, which is in Kogi State. I am serving at a bush hospital practicing full spectrum family medicine. I am working with an organization called World Medical Mission which is a part of Samaritan's Purse. This blog is my place to stay connected with you through stories, meditations and pictures. I hope that you enjoy reading the posts!

Sunday, November 29, 2015

Sparrow

Matthew 10:29, "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father's care."


O sparrow sadly on the ground
Laying dead so lost no sound
Your flight now over no more to soar
Tomorrows dreams have locked their doors
It says your father knows its so 
Yet why does heaven seem this cold
No answer to the mounting pain
No reason for this senseless drain
It says each hair he numbers such
So why is needless death so much
While suffering for doing right
May seem majestic during fight
Suffering for no clear cause
Often makes this solider pause
If no reason can be found  
The questions louder start to sound
What kind of love would silent be
While misery drives me to my knees
Can a father stand so still
And watch his precious child killed
My human mind no more can take
This haunting silence as I break
Tears are flowing down my cheek
Silence as I try to speak

Silence as I try to speak?

Silence as I try to speak…

Was not his silence my accusing word
Did I not condemn him thus
Had I not just called him cold
And for his silence begun to scold 
Yet silence is the place I land
In pains dark pit of sinking sand
Its at the very bottom where
At last my vision starts to clear
The torrent of words and tears and angst
Have slowed to a halt and stilled their ranks 
And in the settling dust I see
The hypocrite in truth was me
It was I who had no words say
No answers for the pain-filled way
It was I who tried so hard to speak
To show the world I was not weak
While he in fact had showed the way
To bear the pain I face each day
Not to question or to yell
Not to fight or battle hell
Not to struggle with the why
Or come undone and endless cry 
For these all circle but do not touch
The heart of pain — which I now clutch

I hold it close but wish it weren’t
Afraid to open afraid to hurt
At last I take a look inside
O soul! O soul! What did I find? 
The very one I thought twas gone
Was kneeling there, the son of the dawn
Naturally its where he’d be
Within the heart of misery
So silent crying in the night 
So silent begging for whats right
He silent bears it all alone
Silent on his knees he groans
There are no words in this heart of pain
No ones there to answer vein
But absent these the truth is found
By him who kneels on the ground
His place is in the heart of pain
And those who join him feel his gain
Just like that night so long ago
When in the garden his sorrows grow
His disciples then he asked to stay
Yet each time they failed to pray
Only later could they see
His glorious plan for victory 
Which lead him down to darkest deep
Where sorrows slope was ever steep 
His face was set he would not turn
No matter that he felt deaths burn 
He showed them then — he shows me now
That pain is simply just the how
How to find him when I’m weak
How to find him when I can’t speak
How to find him in darkest night
How to find him when I cannot fight
I find him in the heart of pain
I find him there — he calls my name
At last my heart can safely rest
Quietly beating in my chest
Fellowship sweet I’ve finally found
With him whose kneeling on the ground 

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